


See You Soon

by bifrostarchivist



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Eliot has the monster’s memories, Fix-It, Grieving, M/M, el and jules bonding time, el and margo bonding time, el is low key angry, q and el deserved so much better and I still want to battle the writers, season 5 rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22808932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bifrostarchivist/pseuds/bifrostarchivist
Summary: Eliot woke up to Margo on his bedside. Hand in his, head down on the side of his bed and for the first time in what felt like forever he finally let himself breathe .
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	See You Soon

Eliot woke up to Margo on his bedside. Hand in his, head down on the side of his bed and for the first time in what felt like forever he finally let himself breathe .

He felt like his entire body was on fire but he couldn’t even bring himself to mind. Becauseit meant that he was back. Back with his friends. Back with his Bambi. Back with his Q wherever he was. He had never been so happy to feel pain. In the happy place he hadn’t felt much of anything.

He could barely sit up but he did it anyways, using his free hand to lightly tap Margo’s head.

“Wake up, Bambi.” He told her softly.

And she did. Basically shooting out of her chair, looking at him with red rimmed eyes and messy hair. The front of her shirt dotted with blood. But still his flawless Bambi.

“El...”

She had never looked at him like this before, just so desperately relieved. Not even after she had stopped him and Q from going to the mosaic and saving their lives.

She launched herself on to him, arms wrapping around his shoulders holding on to them like a lifeline.

And he held on to her just as tight. 

“Don’t...Don’t ever almost die again El.”

He let out a small laugh as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll try not to.”

“I love you so much you asshole.” Her voice was wobbly but ever so certain and god damn it he had missed her so much. He was back with his Margo and not the fake memory version of her- the real her. And at the moment everything just felt right. 

“I love you too.” 

“When I thought you were dead I...” She didn’t finish her sentence and she didn’t need to. He held her tighter.

They just sat there, arms around each other for blissful minutes until Margo pulled away.

She wiped at the corners of her watery eyes, already trying to put up her armor again. This was his Margo after all, his glamorous cold badass always ready to do what needed to be done.She was more than that, and so was he but that wasn’t something the others had to know. 

She couldn’t hide the pain currently in her eyes though, replacing the glimmer that had been there seconds ago. They never could never really hide how they were feeling from each other. From every one else definitely. But never from each other.

So the lightness he had felt in her embrace quickly lessened, that lightness turning into pure dread.

“Margo, where at the others?” 

“Alice, Julia, and Penny are with Kady in her apartment. Josh and Fen are in Fillory.” She couldn’t meet his eyes.

“And..And Q?”

The look in her eyes when she finally allowed them to meet his said everything.

And suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

“El, honey-“

Her hands reached for his but he pulled away.

“W...What happened?”

“El-“

“Please.”

Margo winced. “They went to the Seam to dump the monster and his sister into it. It all went wrong. Everett showed up and Q did a spell to stop him. You...You can’t do magic in the mirror realm. It..It backfired and it killed him.”

“He’s dead.” Eliot looked at her, begging her to be wrong. Begging her to tell him that this wasn’t real. Begging her to tell him that Quentin somehow got out of the mirror realm unharmed. 

“El-“

So much for being braver, huh?

He let himself break down into her arms.

~

The memories came back in pieces. It wasn’t anything like the mosaic timeline where they had been injected with the memories almost all at once. Where the memories had had a certain dreamlike quality to them. The memories of what the monster had done while it was in his body came back slowly but vividly. 

The first time it happened it had been the day after Q’s memorial. He had been sleeping or at least trying to when pieces hit him. Memories of his hands covered in blood. Memories of snapping necks. Memories of ripping out hearts. Memories of strangers begging for mercy.

They had come in fragments. Choppy memories that were hard to put together. Buthe knew they had been real.He knew what he had done. 

He had woken up covered in sweat. Shaking so much that his bed was basically vibrating. Margo sat on the corner, giving him a pitying look that was just so unlike Margo before wrapping his arms around him.

_“I’m here, El”_

_“I know, Bambi.”_

The next time it happened he had been awake. 

Kady’s apartment had basically became headquarters while he was possessed and she had called Margo for help on some hedge witch shit which Margo had hesitatingly agreed to help with. 

Eliot had been trying his best to get his shit together. Trying to not think about Quentin.Trying to pretend that he was okay. Of course Margo saw through his bullshit but even she seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

She knew he felt suffocated in the cottage. Surrounded by what once made him happy. Surrounded by all these people only a year or so younger than him thathe couldn’t help but look at as kids after everything they had been through.

None of it mattered anymore. Not his reputation that he had spent so long carefully crafting. Not the physical kids cottage which he had once considered his kingdom. Sure as hell not Brakebills, when the concept of school just seemed so juvenile to him now.

Because why would any of it matter when Q was gone. 

He could barely remember what life was like without Quentin Coldwater and now he was supposed to live a life without him. 

This was Eliot’s first time in Kady’s apartment, well the first time when it was actually him.

And it had felt  wrong and he couldn’t figure out why. 

Margo pulled him with her towards the kitchen where Julia and Kady were sitting but before they could get there a spot of the apartment caught his eye and he quickly pulled away from Margo. 

Quentin. 

_“You kill Eliot and you can forget about us helping you.”_

_“Eliot Eliot Eliot. Why do you care about him so much?”Eliot could feel the monster’s fury, the monster’s jealousy, as it made it’s way towards Q._

_“Because I do.”_

_He looked him in the eyes. Anger burning bright._

_“You kill him and we are done. I swear to god I am serious. I will abandon you and I will die trying to burn you to the ground.”_

_Eliot felt it’s rage and for a moment- it’s fear._

_“That’s cute.”_

_Hands wrapping around his throat. Eliot’s hands wrapping around his throat._

_“But I’m strong. And you’re weak.”_

_It applied more pressure._

_But Quentin didn’t look scared. He just looked furious. Furious and exhausted. He snarled._

_“Break my bones. Yeah, strangle me.” He choked out daringly, never breaking eye contact._

_His grip went tighter._

_“I’m too tired to care anymore.”_

_Eliot recognized that look in his eyes. The look that he would have when things would get really bad. When he had reached the point that he could not care less about what happened to himself. The look he had when he was spiraling._

_Quentin didn’t falter._

_“You hurt him. You take one more pill. And you can build your body on your own.”_

When Eliot was snapped out of it it took him a few seconds to catch his balance. 

Margo looked at him worriedly before pulling him to sit in the coach with her. Julia and Kady momentarily forgotten.

“You okay, El?”

“I’m fine.”

Neither of them believed it

~

When he heard a knock on his bedroom door, he almost expected Margo although she was never one to knock in the first place. 

He sure as hell hadn’t expected to see Julia Wicker.

They had never been friends. Barely even acquittances, considering that one of their very first interactions was her locking Q into a mind prison that almost killed him. His hatred for her had later been solidified after she screwed up their plan with the Beast and got Alice killed and Q almost sliced in half.

But he knew that Quentin had loved her.

He opened the door at and ushered her in 

“What do you want, Julia?”

She sat down beside him on the bed.

“You look like shit.” 

He couldn’t even bring himself to be offended because he knew she was right.

“Do you...Do you remember what the monster did while it was in your body?”

He didn’t look at her.

“Because I do.”

“It doesn’t matter.”He told her stoically.

“It was in you a lot longer Eliot-“

“No offense Julia, but please just drop it.”

“If anyone understands how you’re feeling, it’s me.” 

“What do you want me to say? That I remember killing dozens of people? That I remember hurting Margo? That I remember hurting  Quentin ?”

He vaguely remembered Julia being there when the monster almost killed Quentin. He remembered her just standing there.

“He- He wasn’t okay and you did nothing.”

“You think I don’t know that now? You think I don’t regret being such a shitty friend? You think I don’t regret not seeing how bad he had gotten? You think I haven’t been fucking hating myself for weeks? God damn it Eliot, I can barely breathe without him. Every fucking day, I wake up and almost go to text him. Because Q always knew what to do, Q was always just there and now that he’s gone it feels like a part of me is missing.”

“Penny told me that when they were in the Seam that Quentin had time to run. That he could have gotten out of there if he really wanted to. But no- he just fucking stood there, Eliot. He let himself die. And ever since I heard all I’ve been able to the think about is how maybe if I just tried to talk to him a bit more. Maybe if I had stopped taking his fucking “I’m fine”s as the truth. God, maybe if I was just fucking there. But I wasn’t, not in the way that mattered anyways and now he’s dead.”

She was shaking and she looked so fucking tired. It was the same look he saw whenever he looked in the mirror.

Eliot had never been good at comforting people, but he put his arm around her shoulder and she leaned into it.

“When...When we went to the mosaic on a quest for one of the keys there was this timeline. We..we somehow remembered pieces of it. We had a family. We grew old together. And I loved him so fucking much. And when we remembered it, he asked me if I wanted to give it a shot. And I wanted to. I really fucking did. But I told him no. I told him that it hadn’t really been us. I broke his fucking heart and I knew it. Because I was scared. Because I was terrified that I would end up losing him. And I did. He fucking died thinking I didn’t love him back, Jules. After that night at Blackspire I never even got to actually fucking talk to him again he was just gone.” 

She looked up at him, wiping her eyes. 

“I know this probably won’t make you feel any better, but he loved you so fucking much Eliot. He was willing to burn down the world to get you back. He- He let the monster drag him around like it’s own personal toy for months because the fact that you might’ve still been in there. He..He at least to an extent had to know that you loved him, El.”

“Guess he’ll never know just how much huh?”

~

The next day, Margo dragged him with her to Fillory. And at the very least, being trapped in Fillory 500 years in the future where all of their friends were dead and they were dealing with some evil dark king motherfucker sure as made a hell of a good distraction. 

And then while looking through the box of time travel shit that he stole from Jane Chatwin, he found the stamps.

After Margo’s attempts to save Josh and Fen kept failing, he took it into his own hands and for the first time in forever a plan of his actually worked. 

But now he was just left with himself and a letter addressed to Quentin Coldwater before he went to the Seam. A letter that Eliot knew he could not send.

Because one wrong step and not only Q could die again, but Alice and Penny as well as countless of others. 

He shoved the letter in his bag when he heard someone walking up behind him 

“Hey, El.” Margo said plopping down next to him on the sofa.

“I thought you’d be busy with Josh.” The words came out a lot harsher then he intended them too

Her eyebrows furrowed, “Eliot-“

“Do you...Do you think there’s a way we could bring him back? Q?”

Her expression softened.

“I don’t know, El.”

“There’s got to be something. Someway we can save him.”

“I...before I was thrown in the dungeon at Whitespire I kind of raided the armory. Every single fucking possible spell I found you required something that we don’t have. A body. A piece of his soul. A fucking human sacrifice-“

He couldn’t hide his surprise and Margo rolled her eyes.

“I loved him too you know? Maybe not like you did but I still loved him.”

“I know, Bambi.”

She rested her head on his lap and he stroked her hair. 

“We’ll find a way. We always do.”

“I feel like I’ve heard you say those words before.”

~

**_To Quentin Coldwater_ **

**_Before he went to the Seam_ **

_Q,_

_There really is nothing I can say to make this any better huh? I can’t tell you to just be a little faster. I can’t tell you to lock the fucking door. Because in every possible circumstance, there is Everett. Even if you just gave him the fucking bottle he’d still probably kill you along with so many fucking others. One wrong combination and everything could get so much fucking worse. And I can barely imagine a worse outcome than you being dead._

_I can’t even send you a fucking letter telling you I love you because there’s a chance it might offset everything. And yet here I am saying it in a letter I can never send._

_I love you Quentin Coldwater._

_In Fillory one night you had told me that during the trials your utmost truth had been that you couldn’t run away fast enough. But when we got back and you asked me to give us a chance, you didn’t run. I did._

_I know you would never accept this but you were always the braver one._

_I was scared and I ran. I invalidated your feelings and acted like you were crazy for believing in us. I’m a dumbass and an asshole and I know._

_In the happy place, the thing that made me want to keep fighting was you. The fact that I’d be able to make things right. The fact that I’d be able to actually look you in the eyes and tell you that I was in love with you and that I always had been._

_And then I woke up in a world without you in it._

_I can barely remember who I was before loving you Q._

_For fucks sake, I remember seeing you for the first time waking through the fucking bushes on orientation day flustered and floppy haired and my first thought being “I’m screwed”. And I fucking was._

_It’s easy to fall in love with you, Q._

_There was no one else that I would’ve wanted to go on a life time quest with other than you. As much as I love Margo I feel like even me and her would’ve ended up killing each other._

_I was in love with you long before you kissed me at the mosaic, but it was the first time that I actually started to believe that you loved me back._

_I loved Arielle too, and I would’ve done anything for Teddy. Are you with them now? God, did they even fucking exist in the first place?_

_We went decades without actually saying the words “I love you” until I literally died of old age. And now when I actually have the guts to say the words, I can’t because now you’re the one who’s gone._

_I’m not gonna let you stay gone, Q ._

_I don’t have any fucking clue how, but I’m not going to stop until I get you back._

_Don’t get too comfy in the underworld because I’m coming for you you absolute fucking jackass._

_You aren’t allowed to die for me._

_I refuse to let this be the end of our story and I won’t let this pathetic excuse for a letter be our goodbye._

_See you soon, Q._

_-El_

~

“I made a golem.”

“Of who?”

She winced. Oh.  _Oh_

“Of...Of Quentin?”

Alice nodded. Shame etching every feature.

“When I did it it pulled out a tiny piece of Q’s soul I-“

“You...You stole a part of his soul?” 

He looked down at the jar she was holding and tried his best to remain calm.

“There’s a well in Fillory. It goes down to the underworld. I’m gonna throw it in.”

Through the anger he made a realization.

“No you aren’t.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Eliot what do you mean i have to or his soul won’t be at rest wh-“

“You have a piece of his fucking soul Alice. We...We can bring him back.” The last sentence came out as more of a question. There was no telling if the spell Margo found would work, but it was something. And something was better than the constant nothing he had grown accustomed to. 

Her mouth made an o shape. “Eliot I don’t think that’s possible.”

“He brought you back when you were a niffin. How is this any different?”

“Eliot-“

“Margo found a spell-“

“Do you think this is what Quentin would want?”

He almost laughed at that bitterly. When had Eliot ever did anything that Quentin wanted? He sure as hell wasn’t gonna start now. 

“No, but in case you forgot he was a bit of a self sacrificing dick Alice.”

“I want him back just as much as you do Eli-“

“Really? Cause it doesn’t seem like you do.”

He knew that he was being unfair. Cruel. She loved him too. She had been his actual fucking girlfriend. But everytime he looked at her all he could think about was how she was the one who got them into this mess. She was the one who destroyed the keys. She was the reason Eliot got possessed. She and Penny 23 were the ones who let Q die. 

He had made Q a promise to be braver. And god damn it that wasn’t a promise he planned on breaking.. 

“Just...What if...What if he’s found peace? And this ruins it?”

“You let him go to the Seam when he was fucking spiraling, Alice. You had to know he was gonna do something stupid but you let him go anyways. And he died. He fucking killed himself. Stop pretending it was a “heroic sacrifice”, he killed himself and no way in hell am I gonna just let him go. I don’t care if he’s found peace I’m gonna go down to the Underworld and pull him back here by his fucking hair if I have to.”

Alice sighed before handing him the jar.

“I’ll help just- just tell me about the spell.”

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Eliot Waugh finally allowed himself to have hope.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work in the fandom and on AO3 in general and it’s kinda of a mess so I apologize lmao. I low key hate how it’s up the fandom to fix the show runners’ mistakes. Eliot is the only thing keeping season 5 alive I said what I said.


End file.
